its amazing. i am not a stupid person, yet there are some mistakes that i seem to make over and over and over again. you would think that after one or two bad outcomes, i would "get it" and do something differently.
i believe mistakes are life lessons. once a person "masters" that lesson, they will move on to make different mistakes. the fact that i continue to find myself in some of the same potholes of life shows me that i still havent learned whatever lesson im supposed to.
this frustrates me to NO end.
we've all done it. been in a situation where we know better but choose to do something anyway. maybe we're lazy or pressed for time. maybe we don't want to jeopardize the immediate for the sacrifice of the long term. or maybe we just no longer care.
one of my greatest mistakes in life is being too nice to people who dont deserve it. these people are users and they constantly worm their way into my life and then make me feel guilty for wanting them to leave.
i know when they approach me that i should run away, or at risk of appearing impolite, to at least say, "i would love to help you, but it seems like every time i do that, you dont really appreciate it. i'm sorry." that would show the world i have a backbone and give me some confidence that i am not a doormat.
but i dont want to be rude or seem like a bitch, and so i say nothing and then feel like i've eaten a bucketful of worms after our interaction.
but i'm getting tired of worms. i'm getting tired of looking in the mirror and criticize myself for what i didnt have the courage to say.
it is true that i hate conflict. it is true that i feel a tremendous amount of guilt if itell someone I cant help them but really can and just dont want to because i know they wont appreciate it. and its true that i like to be liked. i am willing to subordinate myself in the eyes of others, at times, if it means that they will "like me".
and so i find myself in a vicious cycle that only i have the power to break.
i hope this year will be one of tremendous personal growth for me. but i know, if that is really going to happen, then i have to stand up for myself.
and so, i say to myself no to a bucketful of worms.
rick.
i believe mistakes are life lessons. once a person "masters" that lesson, they will move on to make different mistakes. the fact that i continue to find myself in some of the same potholes of life shows me that i still havent learned whatever lesson im supposed to.
this frustrates me to NO end.
we've all done it. been in a situation where we know better but choose to do something anyway. maybe we're lazy or pressed for time. maybe we don't want to jeopardize the immediate for the sacrifice of the long term. or maybe we just no longer care.
one of my greatest mistakes in life is being too nice to people who dont deserve it. these people are users and they constantly worm their way into my life and then make me feel guilty for wanting them to leave.
i know when they approach me that i should run away, or at risk of appearing impolite, to at least say, "i would love to help you, but it seems like every time i do that, you dont really appreciate it. i'm sorry." that would show the world i have a backbone and give me some confidence that i am not a doormat.
but i dont want to be rude or seem like a bitch, and so i say nothing and then feel like i've eaten a bucketful of worms after our interaction.
but i'm getting tired of worms. i'm getting tired of looking in the mirror and criticize myself for what i didnt have the courage to say.
it is true that i hate conflict. it is true that i feel a tremendous amount of guilt if itell someone I cant help them but really can and just dont want to because i know they wont appreciate it. and its true that i like to be liked. i am willing to subordinate myself in the eyes of others, at times, if it means that they will "like me".
and so i find myself in a vicious cycle that only i have the power to break.
i hope this year will be one of tremendous personal growth for me. but i know, if that is really going to happen, then i have to stand up for myself.
and so, i say to myself no to a bucketful of worms.
rick.
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